QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s economy has picked up in the last month, owing in part to the Wynne government’s recent decision to stop totally cocking things up.
“Ontario is creating more jobs than any other province,” said Kathleen Wynne, using a dry-erase marker to write the number ‘30’ on a sign reading, ‘__ days without complete fucking blunder.’ “With any luck, we should be able to ride this high for another week or two.”
Sources at Queen’s Park say the Liberals did have a major boondoggle planned for the month of December, but that it went over budget in the planning stages, was seriously delayed, and eventually had to be cancelled.
But while the Liberals’ uncharacteristic run of basic, basic functionality may seem like good news for the province, many aren’t happy.
“The Liberals ran on a platform of corruption and incompetence, and now we find that they can’t even keep that promise?” said Ontario PC leader, Patrick Brown. “If my party were in power, I guarantee you, we would be fucking up every single goddamn day.”
This would have been the longest the Ontario Liberals had ever gone without a major gaffe, if they hadn’t spoiled it at the last minute by accidentally releasing hundreds of angry baboons in the area around Queen’s Park.