OTTAWA – Carleton Athletics has removed all scales measuring weight in its gym and replaced them with Abraham Maslow’s theoretical Hierarchy of Needs. “Gym-goers need to measure the things that ...
Ezra Levant confident riled up, far-right mob won’t turn against Jews this time
CALGARY – Saying that as far as he knew it had never happened before, Ezra Levant, the owner and presenter of the far-right Rebel Media, says he’s pretty sure his anti-immigrant, alt-right audie...
Deepak Obhrai Conservative Party Ad
Deepak stands for experience, responsible spending, and leveraging this whole thing into a cushy job....
Newfoundland blown off course, last spotted drifting near Canary Islands
ATLANTIC OCEAN – The province of Newfoundland was blown well off course by one of the most intense wind storms the island has ever seen. It was last spotted on the other side of the Atlantic Oce...
Upcoming movie somehow not based on, or sequel to, anything
LOS ANGELES, CA – Industry and critical circles were thrown into an uproar this week by an announcement that a major motion picture scheduled to hit theatres later this year will not be based on any p...
Man a traitor to Zognath for dating woman from secular-Groznar family
EDMONTON – Disappointing both his parents and his gentle-hearted saviour Zognath, local man Eric Timmins has started dating a girl whose family are lapsed Groznites. “Of course I take it persona...
Local man learns just enough Spanish to be murdered in Mexico City
VAUGHAN – Local bartender Henry McCullough has acquired just enough Spanish grammar and vocabulary in preparation for his trip to Mexico to be killed in its capital city. “Duolingo has bee...
Montreal’s marionette festival showcases this year’s top nightmares
MONTREAL — The 12th annual Puppet Theatre Festival (Festival des Casteliers) has arrived in Montreal to publicly showcase your most deep-seated fears. Since 2006, the festival has invited audien...
Good news! That friend you don’t want to hang out with anymore just shared a Rebel Media article
WINNIPEG – Finally some good news for a change! Jason, that guy from university who you are tired of “grabbing a beer” with once every six months just posted an article from alt-right hate websi...
Kevin O’Leary vows to prioritize mediocrity over diversity
OTTAWA – A day after declaring the prime minister’s cabinet was mediocre because ‘diversity’ was prioritized, Kevin O’Leary has vowed to prioritize mediocrity instead. “If elected, I will end th...
