Newfoundland blown off course, last spotted drifting near Canary Islands - The Beaverton
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ed/Africa_(satellite_image).jpg

Newfoundland blown off course, last spotted drifting near Canary Islands

ATLANTIC OCEAN – The province of was blown well off course by one of the most intense wind storms the island has ever seen. It was last spotted on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Some of the 520,000 souls on board the 374,000 km2 landmass tried to keep it steady, but the territory affectionately called the Rock kept listing to starboard. Eyewitnesses report that all three of the province’s wooden masts snapped like twigs under the force of 100 knot winds.

After losing its only propulsion system, the rudderless island collided with and sunk the tiny French islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon.

“We attempted to throw a mooring line to Newfoundland as it passed,” explained a dock worker from Nova Scotia, “but I missed. She was going to fast and no one was able to grab on.”

Despite Newfoundland’s new sub-tropical climate, a blizzard is still expected for Canada’s easternmost province sometime later this week and again next week.

The second season of our television show airs Wednesdays at 10 on Comedy. You can watch the latest episode right here!
Also, we wrote a god dam book!