STUDY: Dolphins swearing at us constantly
NASSAU, BAHAMAS – Proving that not only do dolphins have the capacity for complex language, new research from the University of Nassau suggests that they have actually been using filthy cur…
Trump explodes
NYC – At approximately 11:30 am this morning, celebrity, businessperson, and president-elect Donald Trump exploded. “It’s really very unfortunate,” said Melania Trump, the future First Lady. “He’…
Outrage at French-speaking housing project called ‘Quebec’
MONTREAL – Property developers are continuing to move forward with a controversial French-speaking housing project called “The Province of Quebec” despite concerns over ghettoization and th…
Foxy Girl Vodka Tampons promise to revolutionize Girl’s Night Out
You work hard, and now you can play just as hard with a new product that packs the punch of three vodka shots in one convenient vaginal sip.…
Quiz: Can you tell us where the emeralds are hidden or your wife dies, Jericho
We have Sandra, Jericho. She’s safe for now but that can all change unless you tell us where you’ve stashed away the emeralds. Answer these questions correctly or else your wife will meet an unfo…
After 3 weeks stuck in ice, Minister of Fisheries telling MPs to draw straws
TERROR BAY, NU. – Two days after the last of the weevil-infested hardtack was eaten, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans Dominic LeBlanc has begun walking around with a handful of straws, tell…
Don Cherry’s Rock ’em Sock ’em 5 added to Doomsday Vault
Spitsbergen, Norway – The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in the remote Arctic archipelago of Spitsbergen will be adding 10 VHS copies of Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em 5 to safeguard against ca…
Justin Trudeau apologizes to indigenous peoples for the mistreatment they will suffer for the next 150 years
In a brave and compassionate maneuver Canada’s Prime Minister finally apologized to first nations peoples for all the terrible things the government of Canada will soon be doing to t…
Local actor lands dream gig as shift supervisor
TORONTO – In what she is calling ‘the opportunity of a lifetime’, local actor Cassidy Ambrose has been asked to play the role of an employee who has twice as much responsibility, and makes …
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost
Name Brad Trost Background While his precise birth date is unknown, archaeologists have determined Trost was born sometime around 1095 AD at the beginning of the Crusades. He studied geophysics a…
