REGINA – All you 20-something’s get ready to roll your eyes, because we’ve got another baby boomer here who thinks he knows everything. Regina man Gary Parker claims he understands the world better than any millennial ever could, simply because the Gods have given him the awful gift of future sight.
“All these young people are wasting their time with their protests and their Facebook activism,” said Parker. “I have seen dark tidings, and feminism will mean nothing when we are all ash and dust.”
“So in the meantime, these kids should go out and get real jobs.”
Unbelievable. Parker, who was mysteriously struck blind after boasting to have the best-kept lawn in the Regina metro area, actively touts his all-knowing superiority on social media, claiming infallible knowledge on topics ranging from immigration policy to the Trudeau government’s stance on climate change.
“The world will see one hundred days of fire, one hundred days of ice, and one hundred days of salt,” screamed Parker to the heavens during one of his trances, tweeting at the same time. “So I’m not going to let ‘little potato’ tell me I have to pay his carbon tax.”
Parker may claim to be the oracle of the most Callous Ones on High, but millennials are a savvy bunch and have taken to engaging him in heated online debate.
“Now, I don’t believe in God, or Grimnar Who Roils the Seas, but that’s beside the point,” said Giselle Bedard, 25. “If we don’t work to make the world a better and more tolerant place, we’ll probably end up wiping each other out way before the World Serpent has the chance to do it.”
Wow. Gary talks a big game about the end of the world, but Giselle sure knows how to end an argument.
So, what do our readers think: Is Gary just a big old grump in dad jeans, or are all of our eyes going to burn under the light of an eldritch star?
