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In effort to keep up with climate change, Canada Goose releases new line of fur-trimmed tank tops

TORONTO – After one of the warmest winters on record, the Canadian luxury manufacturer has pivoted into the burgeoning fur-lined tank top market.

“Yes, is hurting the parka industry,” said CEO Dani Reiss. “But this is also about finally giving Canadians the $745 tank top they’ve always wanted.”

The new line, made from premium tank top-grade cotton, and, of course, flayed coyotes, is hand stitched, and, of course, hand-flayed.

“Every garment is still field tested at temperatures of -70 degrees,” Reiss said. “Do not wear these tank tops at temperatures of -70 degrees.”

At press time, Canada Goose competitor Roots was releasing a down-filled thong.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book