Guide To Endangered Species
As an environment-loving Canadian, here’s everything you need to know about endangered species!…
Harjit Sajjan claims credit for record 3.5 km sniper shot
OTTAWA – Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan told reporters that he was “the architect” behind the record-breaking 3.5 kilometre sniper shot reported by Canadian defence officials. “…
Local man who owns kettlebell somehow still completely out of shape
CALGARY – After possessing a twenty-five pound kettlebell for over three years, Patrick Donaldson continues to lack anything that one could describe as fitness. “I’m as shocked as you are”, said …
If it wasn’t for our discrimination, Pride wouldn’t even exist
– By the Toronto Police As a Police officer, it is disappointing that the Toronto Police will no longer be marching in Pride, especially considering we practically invented Pride. If it was…
QUIZ: Are you homophobic, Islamophobic or arachnophobic?
With so many irrational fears out there these days, it’s hard to keep track of what you have an extreme, deep-seated aversion toward. So much that it can be damn near impossible to figure out if …
Uber CEO replaced by sleep-deprived foreign student who really needs the cash
SAN FRANCISCO – After months of upheaval within the company, Travis Kalanick has stepped down as the CEO of Uber and will be replaced by a tired foreign student who has to pick up a few ext…
Yukoners generously sever toes to replace stolen one from Dawson City bar
DAWSON CITY, YT – In what many are describing as a grotesque act of kindness, hundreds of Yukoners have severed and donated their toes to replace the mummified digit that was stolen by a cu…
Andrew Scheer pepper sprayed while trying to photobomb wedding
OTTAWA – Mere moments after a mischievous smile spread across his face at the sight of a young couple taking wedding photos, a shirtless Andrew Scheer is rolling on the ground, grovelling a…
Amazing! Meet the vigilante garbage man who goes after the trash the city won’t touch!
In the city of Toronto, it’s estimated that only about 50% of waste is disposed of properly. It is believed this is mainly due to some of it being too hard to reach or too high profile to take ou…
Trudeau demands to know how many shirtless photos it will take for Der Spiegel to drop story
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is now sweetening the deal for Der Spiegel to retract a story about him encouraging German Chancellor Angela Merkel to appease US President Donald Tru…
