Governor General’s soul instantly flung into void of pain upon mistakenly touching the Queen
LONDON – The outgoing Governor General of Canada, David Johnston, suffered an unfortunate disembodiment of his mortal soul earlier today following physical contact with Queen Elizabeth II at Cana…
Staunch protectionist Donald Trump demands NAFTA agreement with less regulations, more free trade
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…
Stats Canada raids millions of homes after learning nation’s families hiding .5 children
OTTAWA – After census data revealed the average Canadian household contains 1.5 children, Stats Canada raided 3 million homes, rescuing some 1.5 million mutated blobs of half-formed human f…
Atlantic Canada Tourism
Retire in style on the east coast.…
Crazy conspiracy theorist believes eight wealthiest people control more money than 3.5 billion poorest
Sudbury, ON – Observers report that local crackpot Fred Lewis is at it again, insisting to anyone who will listen that eight rich men somehow own more of the world than the 3.5 billion poor…
Australian senator who denied knowing about Canadian citizenship makes suspicious, Canadian-like apology
CANBERRA – An Australian senator who announced her resignation after discovering her dual-citizenship has made a very suspicious, Canadian-sounding apology. Green MP Larissa Waters claimed …
Indigenous Games interrupted by pipeline construction
TORONTO – The North American Indigenous Games, billed as the largest sports and cultural gathering of Indigenous people on the continent, was put on hold today, as crews arrived unannounced to br…
5 incredible road trips you’ll never be able to organize your friends into taking
Summer is here, but your friends are unreliable. Here are five amazing road trips you’ll never be able to organize them all into taking. 1. Boston Beer and BBQ Festival The Boston Be…
Prison & Politics: Episode 5
The great prison hooch debate continues.…
Why can’t Millennials just stop whining and climb into my machine that turns you into fuel?
It’s easy to point out that Millennials have been given greater advantages than any other generation in history. What’s harder to understand, though, is why they can’t use those privileges to jus…
