Big, strong alt-right movement terrified of Jewish children
TORONTO – After a bomb threat was called into the Toronto Jewish Community Centre today, the alt-right has admitted that they view Jewish toddlers as the single largest threat to their phys…
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
What’s a horrifying, insectoidal monstrosity to do? Sources Beetle Clock Woman playing violin Knocking on door Door Scared businessman Garbage can Beetle book Woman reading book Swarm of…
Emma Watson punches through basement drywall after having to explain feminism again
LONDON – After being questioned on the legitimacy of her feminist politics in relation to a revealing photo-shoot, British actor Emma Watson has put her fist through a layer of drywall in a local…
Ben Carson hopes to improve urban areas with Atlantic triangular trade initiative
WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Housing and Urban Development Secretary, Ben Carson announced a new plan to bring work to US cities based on an influx of unpaid “immigrants”. “This country …
Thunder Bay transit opens single subway station
THUNDER BAY, ON – Transit advocates and city residents celebrated the grand opening of the city of Thunder Bay’s first and only subway station today, located on Memorial Ave. near the Inter…
Breaking: Yes you did forget to lock your front door, idiot
SIX BLOCKS FROM YOUR PLACE – Reports are confirming that the nagging feeling that you left your door unlocked is 100% correct and that people will soon be robbing the place blind you moron. “But …
Leitch releases ‘Canadian values’ questions designed to catch the most honest terrorists
OTTAWA — Conservative Leadership candidate Kellie Leitch has released her list of “Canadian values test” questions, which she promises will catch terrorists provided they never, ever tell a…
Man outraged by closure of local business he never visited
CALGARY – A local man was angered and saddened to hear that another local business he never once set foot in was closing its doors forever. A disappointed Aaron Morales says that Martha’s G…
John Tory raises transit funds by putting City Hall futon on Craigslist
TORONTO – After Premier Wynne rejected his plan to pay for transit infrastructure with road tolls, Mayor John Tory has been forced to raise funds by putting the City Hall futon on Craigslis…
Chris Alexander denies claim that he is Chucky doll
Our conservative party funded ads continue today with leadership candidate Chris Alexander.…
