We ranked these crimes from coolest to mail fraud
El Chapo, O. J. Simpson, Donald Trump Jr. Criminals have never had more cultural cache, but not all crimes are cool. For every indie soundtracked, Edgar Wright-inspiring car chase there is some s…
Whitehorse residents agree
WHITEHORSE – A survey of over 500 Whitehorse residents indicate that they overwhelmingly agree. 95% of citizens from Yukon’s capital said ‘yes’ while, in another question, 85% said ‘sure’, …
REPORT: Saskatchewan left Canada years ago
OTTAWA- A report conducted by the Ministry of Environment says that the entire province of Saskatchewan detached itself from the rest of the country and left “probably several years ago,” and now…
Tories offer Omar Khadr additional $10.5 million to stay in news until next election
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has vowed to match Omar Khadr’s $10.5 million payout if he agrees to do “everything in his power” to remain in the news until the next federal election in 2019. “W…
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
MONTREAL – Speaking from his personal experience, French President Charles De Gaulle has inspired Quebecers to liberate themselves by surrendering and awaiting for a massive Allied force to…
Alberta Wildrose, PC parties merge into single oil company
CALGARY – Alberta Wildrose and Progressive Conservative Party members have voted 95 per cent in favour of ratifying the agreement to join forces to create a dominant right-wing internationa…
BeaverWars: Custody Battle
“Rational Alex Jones” reacts to having his kids taken away.…
Local man postpones checkup with doctor to eat three-cheese panzerotti
HAMILTON, ON – After deliberating for several months on if he should schedule a much-needed physical, Jeff Turcott has decisively purchased a mouth-watering panzerotti instead. “I can make an app…
Local man has soul removed to make room for more opinions
Timmins, ON – After years on a wait list, local man Paul Sutton is safely recovering from the surgical removal of his soul, which has allowed him to hold over 70 more opinions. “There’s sti…
Ottawa Senators season ticket package to include free Leafs jersey
OTTAWA – Capitalizing on popular demand, the NHL’s Ottawa Senators announced this week that their upcoming season ticket package will include one free Toronto Maple Leafs jersey with the na…
