WANDERING RIVER, AB – Eyewitnesses are reporting that a 41-year-old local woman suffering from poor circulation spent most of yesterday morning trying to prove to her co-workers that she was cold, demanding that they touch her icy fingers as evidence.
According to sources, office manager Patricia Spencer arrived at her downtown office around 9:00am and loudly announced, “Cold enough for ya?” to no one in particular. She then pulled off multiple layers of brightly coloured polar fleece before stopping at each of the office’s cubicles under the premise of “saying a little hello!” Reports that each of these encounters ended with Ms. Spencer pressuring co-workers to “just feel how cold my hands are” are flooding in.
“The thing is, when she said she was cold, I totally believed her,” remarked one colleague who wished to remain nameless for fear of reprisal. ”It was minus 10 this morning. We’re all cold. But I guess just telling me wasn’t enough for her, she had to invade my personal space to get the point across.”
After turning on the dusty electric heater she keeps under her desk and placing a crochet blanket on her lap, Ms. Spencer is said to have exclaimed, “I’m so cold I can barely type!” She then went outside for one of her ten daily smoke breaks, repeating the hand clutching process with everyone in the office when she re-entered. Sources say Ms. Spencer then gripped one colleague’s face with her now tar-stained hands, remarking “Oh, your cheeks are so warm. Let me just warm up my hands with your cheeks for a bit. Oh, that’s so nice.”
Darryl Spencer, her husband of fourteen years, is reported as saying, “It’s better just to let her go on and do it. Folks should be happy she’s not making them feel her feet.”
Upon hearing claims that Deb from Accounting’s hands felt slightly colder than hers, Ms. Spencer was overheard muttering “Well, we’ll see about that!”