Friend has the balls to schedule wedding on long weekend
London, ON – Reports from the area have indicated that local man Steve Marchand had the sheer audacity to hold his wedding to Lisa Braxton on the Saturday of the August long weekend. “The b…
Nation shares a laugh after remembering what Boris Johnson looks like
CANADA — Following reports that former UK Foreign Minister Boris Johnson has been building an alliance with Trump advisor Steve Bannon, his recent departure from Parliament, and numerous ot…
Suspicious unattended bag just happy to be noticed
CALGARY — Doing its best to remain humble, a Dunlop overnight bag left unattended at the city’s International Airport is reportedly drawn the attention of onlookers as well as the Calgary B…
Staff morale at all-time low after office dog tenders resignation
VANCOUVER – Staff at local tech startup Coral Solutions were shocked to learn on Friday that Cupcake, the 5-year-old pug that had been with the company for over two years, had formally subm…
Pope denounces inhumane death penalty in favour of endless demonic torture
VATICAN CITY – Changing the Catholic Church’s position on capital punishment, Pope Francis has denounced the death penalty as inhumane and unacceptable in all cases, recommending instead ev…
Houseplant dead at three weeks
VICTORIA B.C. — The Collier family have announced with great sadness the passing of their household purple orchid, a mere three weeks after buying it. “Though we did our best to give it a home, o…
Millionaire condo owner regrets insisting on different entrance for social housing after installation of guillotine
VANCOUVER – Now that a large guillotine has been erected in front of the West End tower that contains his $2.4 million condo, investment banker Wesley Sanderson wants everyone to know how d…
Condom ad quickly running out of visual metaphors to signify cumming
New York, NY – The writing team behind Durex Ultrathin’s latest commercial have hit a stumbling block after realizing they have used up every known visual cue to let the audience know the p…
New immigrant family adjusting to Canadian life by ignoring colonial violence
WINNIPEG – As recent newcomers to Canada, the Khalil family have faced many challenges, but one of the greatest lessons they learned is that there is nothing more Canadian than ignoring the…
Meditation class helps local man be present in the shitty, shitty moment
Salmon Arm, BC – Local resident Tobias Efinggs is praising a recent mediation course as truly helping him to be more mindful and live in the terrible, awful present. “I used to spend my tim…
