WINNIPEG – Jacob Kubbs, 9 years old, reportedly spends his days sitting in the back of his Grade 4 class staring off into the distance, distracted by fantasies of being able to spend all his time creating online content.
“Content creating sounds so awesome!” reported Kubbs. “One day I’m going to create a YouTube video commenting on another YouTube video or maybe I’ll write a top 5 list about fast food using only Friends Gifs.”
“He dressed up as Logan Paul for Halloween this year” reported Kubbs father Derrick with a shudder. “And every time I put on music in the car he groans and demands I put on a podcast where 2 people recap a reality tv show.”
Kubbs is not alone in his aspirations. A recent study of tweens found that designing branded content for Arizona Ice Tea is now the number 3 most desired job, right after astronaut and sour patch kid taste tester. This a trend that analyst Alexa Desmond doesn’t think will change anytime soon.
“Content creators are the rockstars of 2018. Optimizing articles for social media algorithms is the new guitar solo and waiting 8 months for a $30 cheque, well that is the new coke fuelled backstage sex party.”
For their part Jacob’s father and mother are trying to steer him away from content creation and towards something that will have a positive effect on the world, like oil company executive or satirical news comedy writer.