EDMONTON – In response to an industry-wide glut caused by an inability to get its oil to Pacific tankers, the Notley government has decreed that every Albertan travelling to the West Coast will be required to take at least one barrel of Western Canadian Select with them.
“Our current shipping capacity falls short by over a hundred thousand barrels a day,” Notley said in a press conference announcing the new legislation. “We’ve set the minimum at one but we know true Albertans will show their loyalty to the province and to the industry by taking five or hopefully ten barrels with them on their trip to visit Grandma in Vancouver.”
Airports and airlines have stated that Albertans will be allowed to carry the required 158 litres of oil with them when they fly, but checked oil barrels will be subject to the standard luggage fees and for safety purposes carry-on bitumen must be portioned out into individual 100ml bottles.
“The fossil fuel industry asks so little of Albertans,” Notley says. “Having to lug around hundreds of pounds of toxic sludge is the least we as individuals can do for an industry that has given us so much.”
“Given us so much metaphorically speaking. Our royalty rate will remain competitively, or as some call it, criminally, low,” she added.
Other provinces have been inspired by Alberta’s new law, with Quebec turning its vacationers into international maple syrup smugglers and Newfoundland requiring all citizens returning from trips to Europe to bring back one live cod.