Scotiabank Arena says ‘fuck it, 18 bucks for a bottle of water’
TORONTO – Scotiabank Arena, the home of the Toronto Raptors and Toronto Maple Leafs recently announced a change in policy in which they pledge to stop fucking around and unabashedly charge an obs…
Trudeau announces Canada to partner with NASA to send Jody Wilson-Raybould to moon
SAINT-HUBERT, QC – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced Thursday that Canada would be partnering with NASA to put Judy Wilson Raybould in orbit around the moon. “Judy Wilson Raybould is …
Politicians who addressed United We Roll rally insist they were only supporting environmental devastation, not white supremacy
OTTAWA – Several right wing politicians including Andrew Scheer are clarifying that their attendance at a pro-pipeline/anti-immigration rally last week was solely meant to champion the envi…
Stolen Group of Seven painting fortunately only a Frederick Varley
TORONTO – Private gallery owner Richard Grier announced that a Group of Seven painting stolen this week was thankfully was only a piece by Frederick Varley. “You can imagine my distress when I no…
‘Now do you see why I was covering this up?!’ yells Trudeau at reporters
OTTAWA – In the wake of Jody Wilson-Raybauld’s damning testimony an outraged Justin Trudeau spoke to reporters this morning, demanding they apologize for criticizing his prior efforts to st…
Liberals suddenly decide proportional representation might be a good idea after all
OTTAWA – Two years after appearing to break their promise on electoral reform, the Liberal Party made a surprise announcement on Wednesday night that they are again planning to change Canad…
Ontario Dentists relieved they won’t have to work on poor people teeth for at least another 4 years
TORONTO – With the Ontario PC Party in power, Dentists across Ontario are breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to work on an additional 4.5 million poor people’s teeth. “Dental c…
Health agency brings back smallpox to teach everyone an important lesson about vaccination
WINNIPEG – The Public Health Agency of Canada has announced that it has reintroduced the deadly and highly infectious smallpox virus back into the human population so everyone learns the ha…
NDP members devastated by Jagmeet Singh’s by-election win
Burnaby, BC – As results came in from the Burnaby by-election, members of the federal NDP were disheartened to learn that they would be stuck with Jagmeet Singh as their leader for the 2019…
Clement announces return to social media by sending DM to every woman in his constituency
HUNTSVILLE, ON – Female residents of the Parry Sound—Muskoka electoral district were surprised to learn on Wednesday that their scandal prone MP, Tony Clement, was not only back at work in …
