Reports indicate that every member of the British Royal Family, from Queen Elizabeth on down to one-month-old Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, refused to sit for tea with President Trump. At this point, alternatives were explored.
“Considering how much the actual Royal Family was loathe to have to meet Trump, this seemed like the easiest alternative,” explained Royal Attache Boris Smythe-Hartley. Speaking from Buckingham Palace, the aide to the throne outlined how, in lieu of the actual Royals, various actors from the cast of The Crown were recruited to receive Trump and his wife Melania.
“We really thought the jig might be up when Trump saw that her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was 35-years-old, and also noted actress Claire Foy,” Smythe-Hartley explained, “But he just kept giving her a military salute, and complimenting her bottom.”
“At one point as she was taking him on a tour of the palace, Foy even called ‘Line’ to the nearby director, but Trump never even clocked it.”
Some present for the staged meeting contend that the President became somewhat confused when John Lithgow showed up as Winston Churchill, but also concede that Trump got over his confusion after the two men golfed together.
Royal watchers were further concerned that the elaborate charade to trick the visiting president would fail when the entire cast of The Crown was not all available for the engagement. With Prince Philip actor Matt Smith busy with a theatrical engagement, Tobias Menzies was recruited even though he plays the older season 3 and 4 version of Philip, and has never shared scenes with Foy’s Elizabeth.
“Frankly, President Trump spent most of the time yelling at an episode of Fox & Friends that he had demanded we PVR for him, so I don’t think we even needed to try as hard as we did,” lamented Smythe-Hartley.
As the day wore on and other Royal roles needed to be filled, Buckingham staff filled the gaps as best they could. These last-minute castings included Helen Mirren playing an elderly Queen Elizabeth, Meghan Markle’s old lighting stand-in from Suits, several random Harry Potter cast members, and Naomi Watts reprising her role as Diana, Princess of Wales.
While the President appeared to never notice the switch, First Lady Melania Trump had nothing but praise for the elaborate charade featuring The Crown.
“It was a bit slow-paced and no one really did anything, but the visuals WERE stunning,” Melania gushed.