TORONTO – Clerks at corner stores across the province were kept busy last weekend kicking out elected officials performing staged photos in front of empty shelves and issuing them lifetime bans.
Irate store managers reported stately-looking men and women wandering through their aisles, disturbing neatly arranged products, and bothering other customers by cutting their services. The only items that were purchased by a few of the unruly representatives had a value of less than $3.
“These guys are worse than the high school students,” said Harry Bahk, owner of Good Morning Convenience in Richmond Hill who showed his MPP, Michael Parsa, the door for staring blankly into the glass door refrigerator for at least 20 minutes. “I’m always on guard when I see a politician come in here with a staffer weilding a cellphone. I keep a baseball bat underneath the counter in case things get ugly.”
Other proprietors who did not issue outright bans posted signs that read “All Members Of Provincial Parliament Must Be Accompanied With A Responsible Adult At All Times” throughout their establishments.
“If you’re not going to buy anything then get the hell out!” demanded clerk Abe Buttar of North Bay rejecting Finance Minister Vic Fedeli proposal that he read out some lines on how unfair it is that he can’t sell beer and wine.
A picture of Premier Doug Ford was added to the wall of banned customers at store in Etobicoke.
In related news, a recent study by the Institute of Governance found that a can of beer would receive more provincial financial aid and services than a child with autism.
