Barbie celebrates 60th birthday by retiring from 200 jobs
Malibu, CA – Barbie is turning 60 years old today and she’s marking entering her seventh decade by doing what many sexagenarians do: retiring from hundreds of jobs. “It’s not that I don’t l…
Scheer claims reports he endorsed Pizzagate merely distraction from important issue of whether Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s son
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is fighting back against reports that he endorsed the absurd Pizzagate conspiracy theory by saying the left wing media is merely trying to distrac…
SNC-Lavalin responds to corruption charges: ‘We’re still the most law-abiding company in Montreal’
MONTREAL – Engineering company SNC Lavalin held a press conference this week, claiming that despite corruption charges, they are still “by far the most honest company in Montreal.” Company …
Three superhero movies this decade with female leads? What’s next? A FOURTH!?!
By: Greg Anderson Captain Marvel comes out this weekend, and I have to say, this onslaught of female superheroes makes me very uncomfortable. This decade alone we already had one, then the other …
Team of Mascots arrive from the future to kill Gritty before he gets too powerful
PHILADELPHIA – Mayhem broke out at the Wells Fargo Center this evening, when a Flyers practice was interrupted as an interdimensional portal opened up with several grizzled looking NHL masc…
Ontario Healthcare system cuts budget by using Flintstones chewable vitamins for everything
TORONTO – Ontario Hospitals and Pharmacies formally announced their plans to cut costs and benefit the taxpayer by switching all medicines and therapies to Flintstones chewable vitamins. “T…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
Yes, nauseous woman is sure she’s not pregnant
TORONTO – In a revelation that shocked many of her male friends and coworkers yesterday, 30-year-old Lisa Rogers assured anyone who would listen that the nausea she was experiencing was due…
Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards
VANCOUVER – Sherri and Tucker Jackson love the support and individualized learning their daughter Braylyn receives at her alternative elementary school, but they were slightly confused when…
