Doug Ford ends opposition to Carbon Tax after reading all 2,500 pages of UN Climate Change Report
Luke and the Panel (Nour Hadidi, Courtney Gilmour and Ryan Dillon) talk about how we’re all going to die! They break down why the most recent UN Climate Change Report is a warning that can&…
Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood
WHITEHORSE – A vote hungry municipal candidate roaming through the Whitehorse neighbourhood of Riverdale was safely removed by conservation officers yesterday. The 185 lbs pamphlet-wielding…
Affordable housing: John Tory promises to build one giant detached home for all of Toronto’s poor
TORONTO – Showing a bold new vision for the 2018 mayoral race, John Tory has announced plans to build Toronto’s underprivileged a giant two-bathroom, forty-eight-thousand-bedroom house in t…
Biology: Virgin-ass Greenland shark doesn’t even hit sexual maturity until 150 years old
St John’s, Newfoundland — Despite melting polar ice caps and the global fish population plummeting, marine biologists across the globe have found themselves pointing at the sea, doubled ove…
Ukraine changes national anthem to ‘I kraine, you kraine, we all kraine for Ukraine’
KIEV – In a move that has Ukrainians hopeful for greater unity and world respect, the Ukrainian parliament has voted 412-38 to change the national anthem to a new song, entitled: I kraine, …
NRA announces appropriate time to discuss gun control was just then and now it’s gone
Fairfax, Virginia – The National Rifle Association announced that the appropriate time to discuss gun control had finally arrived. The moment came at exactly 6:45 ET this morning and lasted…
Ontario Medical Association apologizes for calling recreational cannabis a gateway drug by offering free opioid prescriptions
TORONTO – OMA President Dr Nadia Alam has issued an apology to all recreational cannabis users for calling the soon-to-be-legal substance a gateway drug and is offering free prescriptions t…
Canadians thankful they can’t name single Canadian Supreme Court Justice
OTTAWA – As Canadian families from coast-to-coast gathered together for thanksgiving, the vast majority took time to be grateful for the fact they never have, nor likely would, ever know th…
Ontario’s financial plan revealed to be stack of lotto tickets
TORONTO – Concerns about the budgeting focus of Ontario’s PC government were brought to the forefront again this morning, when it was revealed that the province’s financial plan consists la…
Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do?
I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon special…
