MONTREAL – A major business in the drug trafficking, gambling, murder, loan sharking, extortion, and racketeering industry have been granted a deferred prosecution agreement after lobbying by the federal government.
“We have to consider that Rizzuto Inc. is an important employer in Quebec and across the country,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “And I’m an MP from this country so I have to do everything to save those 9,000 jobs whether you be the top boss or a lowly bagman.”
Trudeau re-emphasized that he didn’t believe there was any political interference while the government pressed prosecutors to pursue alternatives in the course of justice.
“There’s spin-off jobs in the Hells Angels, Bonanno crime family, Musitano crime family, and West End Gang that will be greatly affected if this corporation is shut out of contracts with Mexican drug cartels,” said the Clerk of the Privy Council Michael Wernick. “We believe these jobs are in the national economic interest. Otherwise, our industry will lose ground to the American and European mobsters.”
Rizutto Inc. returned calls from the press by placing horse heads in journalists’ beds.