Trudeau opts to put out fire with kerosene
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the bold step of putting out a fire out by pouring a bucket of kerosene on it. “I told myself: Justin, this has to end,” Trudeau said, with his j…
Rich fuck eating something gold
NEW YORK CITY – Even though it adds absolutely no flavour, noted rich fuck, Andy Robinson, 48, of independent investment firm RRBexchange Capital was reported seen paying over $1000 to add…
Politicians pump gas for first time in their lives
NORTH BAY, ON – Ontario PC and federal Conservative politicians have filled up a car’s tank of gas for their very first time with little to no assistance at local gas stations across Ontari…
Worth it? With this IUD you won’t get a period, but you will weep blood for the rest of your life
Period-havers rejoice! Thanks to an exciting new development in IUD technology, with the Meelywna device, you’ll never have to suffer through another menstrual cycle again. The catch? When you cr…
What you need to know about Trudeau’s carbon tax
The federal government has imposed a price on carbon emissions starting April 1st, 2019 for Ontario, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and New Brunswick. Here’s what you need to know. Cash Rebate Ev…
Ontario introduces “Peanut Butter on Dick” sex-ed curriculum
TORONTO – In a surprising new development in Ontario’s controversial sex-ed curriculum rollback, the Progressive Conservative government announced a province-wide focus on Peanut Butter on …
Andrew Scheer texts unsolicited ‘pipeline pics’ to Canadian voters
OTTAWA — This weekend mobile phone users across Canada received unsolicited text messages from Conservative leader Andrew Scheer, featuring pictures that he described as his “huge, thick pi…
Canadians clean up at the Canadian Screen Awards
TORONTO – The seventh annual Canadian Screen Awards proved without a doubt that Canadians are the best at telling Canadian stories in Canada. ‘If you’ve heard of it or not, and it’s Canadian, it’…
BuzzFeed publishes correction after inaccurately reporting several things only 90’s kids understand
NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to maintain their reputation as a publication of record, BuzzFeed printed a correction today to an earlier story entitled 57 Things Only Kids Who Grew Up in the…
Report: JWR’s workout playlist just 200 hours of colleagues she’s secretly recorded
OTTAWA – A recently obtained copy of the former Justice Minister’s iTunes workout playlist consists entirely of secretly recorded conversations with her cabinet and caucus colleagues.…
