Redacted Mueller Report reads: “████ Trump ████ ███ not ██ ████ ██ guilty ████”
WASHINGTON, DC — After refusing to release the full Mueller Report for several weeks, Attorney General William Barr has cleared the report for public consumption, which states, “██████████ …
Triumphant Jason Kenney celebrates win by preemptively blaming Rachel Notley for everything that’ll go wrong during his premiership
CALGARY – After thanking everyone who worked on the campaign and everyone who voted UCP, future Alberta premier Jason Kenney took a moment during his victory speech to give a special thank …
Corporate donations motivate name change to “The Notre D’Amazon Cathedral”
PARIS – Following the tragic fire which destroyed large portions of Paris’ famed Notre Dame Cathedral, a flood of corporate charity to fund the repairs has led to a rebranding of the landma…
Jason Kenney has already run over 3 endangered species in blue pickup truck to show he’s serious about the economy
EDMONTON – Fresh from his landslide win in Alberta’s provincial election, soon-to-be Premier Jason Kenney has already shown that he’s serious about rebuilding the economy by running down th…
Alberta elects its first assistant trailer park supervisor as Premier
EDMONTON – The people of Alberta have elected Randy, an assistant trailer park supervisor from Nova Scotia, as their Premier for the next four years. With a majority of the seats the UCP is…
HGTV greenlights dream renoviction show
TORONTO, ON- Inspired by the hot renoviction trend in major cities across the nation where tenants are ousted from their apartments under the pretext of improvements, network executives for Home …
“The provincial government will no longer be sued for negligence,” says Ford spinning handgun with safety off
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced to the media that the province will no longer be liable for misfeasance and negligence making it nearly impossible to sue the government. The a…
Eugene Melnyk spends entire press conference referring to team as “Houston Senators”
KANATA, ON – After a little more than a week after wrapping their 31st-place season, Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk held what was otherwise a routine press conference today about the t…
Here’s a list of 2019’s must-see concerts that we couldn’t stop our intern Jake from slipping Marxist Rhetoric into
Are you ready for summer? Well we sure are, and to help you make the most of it, we’ve made a list of these mind-blowing acts going on tour, and again, we apologize for our intern Jake’s overzeal…
‘Did you know I’m not drinking alcohol this month?’ says woman to her empty bed
TORONTO – After a long and thoughtful self-care journey, Valerie Duncan has decided to give up drinking this month. A decision she has specifically chosen to disclose to her cold, empty bed…
