Trump terrified to learn GI Joe action figures he talks to actual generals
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has expressed abject horror on discovering that the small GI Joe figures he plays with are actually high-ranking U.S. officials with the authority to imple…
US Customs conduct 8 hour interrogation on Persian rug
BLAINE, WA – U.S. Customs and Border Protection Services have detained a Persian rug as it attempted to enter the US at the Peace Arch Crossing along the BC-Washington border. US border age…
TSN camera wins World Juniors gold medal
OSTRAVA, CZ – The TSN centre ice camera has won gold at the IIHF World Juniors in the Czech Republic on behalf of Team Canada. The camera, who played at every game at the arena showed a tre…
Earth immediately breaks New Years resolution to lose 1.5 degrees
LUNGS OF THE EARTH, AMAZON – After publicly promising it was going to be a ‘new year, new me’ for the fifteenth year in a row since Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth, Earth has once again imm…
Screaming child becomes official mascot of Costco
ISSAQUAH, WA – Wholesale retailer Costco has unveiled the screaming child as the mascot for all of its stores. After extensive research, a child having a catastrophic meltdown without cause…
Motorola Razr returns with all of your middle school selfies pre-downloaded
CHICAGO, IL — Motorola recently announced the re-release of the once-ubiquitous Motorola Razr which will still be a sleek, pocket sized flip-phone, but this time with smartphone technology …
Canada’s military advisers unsure if they should be training Iraqi army to fight ISIS, Iran, or US
BAGHDAD – Canadian soldiers deployed on a NATO mission training Iraqi troops are now unsure whether they are preparing Iraq to fight ISIS, Iran, or the United States. The deployment of 250 …
Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and took a pleasant moment to cross off ‘start WWIII’ from his 2020 Ne…
“I’d love to be catcalled,” says man who has never feared for his life
OTTAWA – After an intense discussion with female friends about the constant barrage of unwanted sexual attention women experience on the street, Jim Marsden announced that he would love to be cat…
George RR Martin confesses he lost next Game of Thrones book down a storm drain
NEW JERSEY – Famed fantasy novelist George RR Martin appeared before bewildered reporters this past Tuesday to tearfully admit that he accidentally lost the recently-finished next instalment of h…
