Conservatives shorten leadership race by having dairy lobby just tell them next leader
TORONTO – In an effort to avoid another costly leadership race the Conservative party has decided to forego the traditional secret ranked ballot process and just have the dairy lobby tell t…
Trump starts trade war with Australia just to feel something
WASHINGTON D.C. -— President Donald Trump has reportedly initiated a trade war with Australia “Just so I can finally know I am truly alive.” Trump personally made the announcement of tariffs on A…
Military’s procurement of generic snow shovel 10 years late, $6 billion over budget
OTTAWA – The Department of National Defence’s procurement process to replace its aging snow shovels has been further delayed while the cost has inflated to over $6 billion. The military has…
St. John’s residents give up shovelling, build a new city on top of the old one
ST JOHN’S – Early reports indicate that residents of St. John’s, Newfoundland have given up removing snow from roads, sidewalks, and roofs, and have started building a new provincial capita…
Hundred Acre Wood unrecognizable after years of unregulated resource extraction
HUNDRED ACRE WOOD – The world was stunned today by images that reveal that the imaginary land which Winnie-the-Pooh (and Tigger too) call home has been ravaged by logging and fracking compa…
Rex Murphy parachuted into Australian wildfires to deny climate change
SYDNEY – Postmedia columnist and professional old man Rex Murphy has been parachuted into Australia’s massive forest where support for denying climate change and doing nothing about it has …
Local commuter fantasizes about world on other side of salt-caked bus window
WINNIPEG — While riding the number 12 William bus on her daily morning commute Jaynice Shermer, 37, actively fantasized about the world hidden just outside the filthy bus window. “What wond…
Kenney: Middle East just 4 more bloody wars away from making Alberta’s oil profitable again
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney says that Alberta’s oil and gas industry will be back on its feet after four bloody and prolonged conflicts in the Middle East. With the price of cru…
RCMP close financial crimes unit after losing entire budget in air duct cleaning telemarketer scheme
TORONTO – The nation’s federal law enforcement agency has announced that they will soon be closing the headquarters of its Ontario financial crimes unit after accidentally losing its entire opera…
Bible on which U.S. senators swear impartiality for Trump’s impeachment trial bursts into flames
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The floor of the U.S. Senate had to be briefly evacuated today when the Christian Bible that was being used to swear in the hundred senators who will be jurors in the imp…
