Parents no longer consoling kids with: ‘it’s not the end of the world’

TORONTO – Parents across the planet have been racking their brains for new ways to calm their distressed children after realizing that the commonly used phrase: “it’s not the end of the world” no…

Cop wears internal thoughts on the outside

TORONTO – A Toronto police officer seen with a patch featuring the symbol of Marvel’s The Punisher on his uniform while at a traffic safety news conference was only wearing his intern…

Kielburgers inspire children nationwide to run away from their problems

TORONTO – Amidst government scandal, We Charity has announced it is winding down its operations in Canada in order to inspire countless Canadian children to run away from their problems too…

Trump slams Bob Woodward for waiting months to expose his lies about coronavirus

WASHINGTON DC – Following revelations in his upcoming book Rage that President Trump deliberately downplayed the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump attacked authour Bob Woodward for w…

Beloved condo development torn down to make way for new condo development

TORONTO – Toronto city planners have announced that a long-cherished condominium development in the heart of downtown Toronto will soon be paved to make way for yet another new condo development.…

Face masks replaces Tim Hortons cups as Canada’s preferred public litter

Move over discarded double-double! The face mask is now Canada’s favourite source of roadside trash. The rubbish race is on as the once beloved plastic-lined cup is being replaced with millions o…

International pedophile ring brought down by guy whose profile pic is a sunset

HUNTSVILLE, ON – A global ring of wealthy, politically connected child traffickers has been exposed and subsequently brought to justice by a guy on Facebook whose profile photo is a low-res…

BC’s top doc: “This is why we can’t have nice things”

VICTORIA – An exhausted Dr. Bonnie Henry has reminded 5 million residents of British Columbia that this is why they can’t have nice things. “I’d expect this kind of behaviour from Alberta o…

Erin O’Toole can’t understand why Lügenpresse are criticizing his Canada First policy

OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole is said to be flummoxed as to why the Lying Press is criticizing him for announcing a Canada First approach to the economy and global trade. …

Cocksure pigeon really struttin’ about town

TORONTO – Sources on the ground are reporting that one surprisingly cocksure pigeon was struttin’ down Bloor Street this past Monday as though he owned the whole town. “Usually I don’t even…