Petite woman excited to flaunt child-sized mask
MISSISSAUGA, ON- 5’1” woman Alexandra Vega cannot be more eager to tell the world that she yet again is not like other girls, because adult-sized masks are too large for her perfectly small and f…
Drake caught sneaking into Raptors’ bubble again
ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on,…
Editorial: Fine I’ll wear a mask but I want people to see my new nose job
Editorial by Tiffany Renaldo I finally got the nose that I have dreamt about, but no one has even seen it because of these damn masks! Normally in March my Daddy sends me on a trip to Barbados, b…
Career woman settles
WASHINGTON – Sources confirm that US Senator, former prosecutor and California Attorney General, and lifelong career gal Kamala Harris has finally decided to share her ticket with someone. “Sure,…
Buffalo welcomes Jays with ballpark renovations that include robotic fan chucking beer cans onto the field
BUFFALO – In an attempt to welcome the Toronto Blue Jays into their 2020 home, Buffalo’s Sahlen Field has added a number of details to make the Blue Jays feel like they are playing at the R…
Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced the successful development of the world’s first COVID-19 vaccine, which was rigorously tested on his political opponents and journali…
Super Soaker wielding Priest just baptized the shit out of this kid
Goderich, ON — Since the COVID outbreak, the Catholic church has begun social distance baptizing, arming their priests with holy water-guns, shooting from the hip to bring young children into the…
Local woman makes old Barbies kiss just to feel something
MONTREAL – This week, Lauren Katsufrakis’ friends and family were growing increasingly concerned as she had been repeatedly making her old dolls make out in order to feel anything aside fro…
Lockheed Martin waves shiny metal dick at Canadian government in $19 billion mating display
OTTAWA – Aerospace manufacturer Lockheed Martin has presented its newest metal phallus to the Canadian government in a bid to win the $19 billion competition to replace the military’s aging…
Citing a culture of fear, anti-maskers remove stop signs
TORONTO – Members of an anti-mask group have taken down an intersection’s stop signs to remove what they call a culture of fear towards oncoming traffic. For years, the red octagons have te…
