“Athletes have the easiest job ever,” says man who would cry if his employer traded him to Winnipeg
Mississauga, ON – Local supply chain middle-manager Arnold Buckler has come under fire for recently stating his belief that athletes have the easiest job ever. This statement was made despi…
Study: 90% of Canadians unable to say name Fabricland without immediately repeating it faster and louder
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has found that, thanks to radio and tv jingles, the vast majority of Canadians are unable to say the name of cloth merchant Fabricland wit…
Coney Barrett ends confirmation ceremony by accidentally deciding election for Trump 1 week early
WASHINGTON D.C. – Appearing at the White House for her swearing-in as a Supreme Court Justice, Amy Coney Barrett committed a humorous gaffe wherein she accidentally decided the upcoming US …
Demand for Bubble Boy halloween costume reaches all-time high
OTTAWA – As spooky aficionados seek out creative ways to celebrate Halloween while practicing social distancing, an unlikely costume candidate has become popular: Jake Gyllenhaal’s characte…
Premier Scott Moe projected to pass roadside breathalyzer test
REGINA – The Beaverton is projecting that Scott Moe will pass his roadside breathalyzer test making him the next premier of Saskatchewan. RCMP who pulled over the Sask Party Leader recorded…
NASA announces the Moon will soon activate all the werewolves “just because it can”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American National Aeronautics and Space Administration held a press conference today to announce their discovery that the Moon will soon be forcing every lycanthrope …
Man slipping razor blades into Halloween candy feeling pretty lost this year
TORONTO – Local sicko Hugh Savarian, who’s been carefully sliding razor blades into candy for trick or treaters for the past 37 years of his life, has reported feelings of aimlessness…
Local woman’s fondest memory of 2020 is really gonna be that new Borat movie huh?
CALGARY – Despite her best efforts at self-improvement and professional development during the COVID-19 pandemic, it looks like, somehow, the peak of Florence Vega’s year will be her Monday…
Hunter Biden seen creeping around bushes of Fox News viewers
AMERICA – According to multiple reports from Fox News viewers around the United States, Hunter Biden has been creeping around the bushes of several American households, and in some cases go…
Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health
WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health. “Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cav…
