Third man on bobsleigh team admits he sometimes tilts head the wrong way just to feel something
CALGARY – In a stunning revelation, world class bobsledder Bernhard Steuzel admitted in a recent interview that he sometimes tilts his head the opposite direction of the rest of his team in…
Rogers can’t fucking believe they’re the less evil telecom giant
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications Inc. expressed disbelief this morning that they’ve become the ‘good one’ of Canada’s two telecom giants. “I don…
Study: Every winter Canadians complain that every winter Canadians complain about the winter
OTTAWA – A new study has found that, for every three complaints expressed about winter, one complaint has been made about said complaints. “It’s like it’s their first winter ever!” said one…
Boris Johnson holds emergency press conference to remind everyone his hair still looks like that
LONDON – UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson held an urgent press conference this morning to inform those who didn’t already know that his hair still looks like an old hay mop that’s missing so…
Confused John Tory searches for videos that live in people’s heads rent free so he can evict them
TORONTO – Mayor, lawyer, and new TikTok user John Tory is just learning about the trending topic of videos that “live in one’s head rent-free” but he’s taking action – Tory is hoping …
Bell asks Canadians to stop talking
MONTREAL – Bell Media shocked the radio market Tuesday when it shuttered three of its sports-themed stations as part of an ongoing layoff streak, following their recent “Let’s Talk” mental …
NHL vows to protect players’ elbows from spate of vicious headbutts
TORONTO – The NHL has moved to drastically reduce the ongoing plague of league-wide elbow injuries via headbutts by reckless players. Despite growing awareness of the damage done to players…
Man still in jail for weed congratulates Marco Muzzo on getting parole for killing 4
Toronto East Detention Centre – Inmate Miles Brown, who has been incarcerated for several years for selling marijuana before that was the government’s job, said he was happy for Marco Muzzo…
PEI Premier declares self Invincible God-King of the Maritimes just to get in the news
Dennistown, PEI – “Behold, I am the mighty son of Poseidon!” Premier Dennis King announced today. “And I shall rule the Maritimes for a thousand glorious years!” Staffers have informed the press …
Local waiter can’t wait to be killed by his favourite NHL Player
TORONTO – With the NHL’s all-Canadian North Division being given permission to dine indoors in certain Ontario restaurants, local Mack Blastor’s server Tom Kramer says he is thrilled …
