Snowbirds outraged they were only given one year notice on non-essential travel

PALM BEACH, FL – Dozens of Canadian snowbirds are outraged that the federal government only gave them a year to change their annual migratory plans due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. Many…

Rescue dog unable to save failing relationship

Hamilton, ON – Jane Rogers and Eric Salts recently discovered that adopting a six-year-old rescue dog was not enough to put off the ending of their four-year relationship. The couple, who a…

Canada Post-Punk claims mail’s not dead

REGINA – Despite claims that physical mail has been declining and gone to the wayside the past two decades, a local Canada Post-Punk rebukes the notion, and states that mail’s not dead. “Li…

Woman diligently washing vibrator pretty sure she could be a good mom

MONTREAL – While carefully washing her $200 vibrator after use, local woman Maya Shah had the epiphany that it’s very likely she could be a great mother. She has since applied to adopt a ch…

With Biden in office, Canadian satirists scramble to familiarize selves with Canadian politics

TORONTO – As the political climate in the USA settles with President Joe Biden in office, Satirists and political comedians all across Canada are hurrying to develop even a passing familiar…

Group interview takes turn when interviewer places single knife on table

BARRIE, ON – Amanda Torres remembers thinking her group interview for a position at Jenny’s Diner was going well – until her interviewer pulled a carving knife out of her bag. “The ma…

Long term care facilities build runways, take international flights to get Doug Ford’s attention

TORONTO – Ontario’s LTC facilities have been forced to construct their own fake international airports in an attempt to gain Premier Doug Ford’s immediate action on COVID-19 outbreaks. Whit…

OPINION: I didn’t even want to go outside until the government told me not to

By: Pierre Gagnon, Montreal resident As a wave of new lockdowns and curfews hit Canadians once more, I find myself resigned to living, working, and existing solely in my apartment. In the past, I…

Trudeau frustrated that now he has to govern rather than just look good in comparison

OTTAWA – Aides report that, in the light of Joe Biden becoming president of the United States, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is growing frustrated that he is now expected to actually govern…

Bell Let’s Talk Dirty campaign deemed wildly insensitive

TORONTO, ON – Bell Media was slammed on Twitter today for their new nationwide campaign Bell Let’s Talk Dirty. According to the telecommunications giant, the campaign is an effort to …