OTTAWA – Staring down the possibility of their third straight electoral defeat, members of the Conservative Party of Canada are beginning to entertain the notion that it may not be the wises choice to always choose someone who makes people’s skin crawl as their party leader.
“Ever since Stephen Harper we’ve had a clear strategy for picking leaders,” said party official Hans Gunderson. “And that is: go with the guy who you not only don’t want to get a beer with, but who is so weird the idea of them doing something normal like drinking a beer seems insane.”
“Maybe Canadians don’t want to vote for someone they would never want to have a conversation with under any circumstances? I don’t get it personally,” he added.
Harper, Scheer and O’Toole have very different personality traits. For instance Harper had a robotic demeanour, Scheer more of a passive aggressive whine and O’Toole seems to be the personification of punching a wall in anger. But all three share the key component so important to Conservative Party members: being so fundamentally unappealing that your average voter goes “him?”
But despite this strategy appearing to work so well during the Harper years, members like Gunderson are sensing that change may be on the horizon.
“Obviously if we lose the next election we’ll have to go with someone Canadians can actually stand. Fortunately we have a great batch of candidates available like Jason Kenney and Doug Ford!”
For their part the Liberal Party of Canada has confirmed plans to keep choosing as leader people who look not terrible by comparison to the Conservative leader but still mostly suck.