Pierre Poilievre blows dust off old “he didn’t come back for you” attack ad DVD

OTTAWA – With US-educated former Bank of England Governor Mark Carney emerging as winner of the Liberal leadership race, Pierre Poilievre was caught blowing the dust off the old Michael Ign…

Trudeau asks MPs to sign yearbook

OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau, Canada’s now exited prime minister, has reportedly been seen asking members of parliament to sign his yearbook. “It was kinda awkward,” began Hon. Chrystia Fr…

Newly-elected Mark Carney removes disguise to reveal maniacal, laughing Trudeau

OTTAWA – After winning the Liberal Party leadership race in a blowout victory, Prime Minister Designate Mark Carney removed his lifelike rubber mask to reveal that he had been current Prime…

Tragedy over Florida: Elon Musk not on exploding rocket

ORLANDO, FL – In the wake of the recent mid-air explosion of a SpaceX rocket, thousands mourn as the company confirms that the CEO, Elon Musk, was not aboard the ship. Following what a SpaceX rep…

Local snowboarder who keeps lift tags on jacket can’t stop getting laid

COLLINGWOOD, ON – Move over, Shaun White. There’s a new snowboarder in town: one who doesn’t need to wow people with sick tricks or Olympic medals, because he’s got twelve lift tags on his black …

Trump unable to keep tariffs up, blames alcohol

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a robust initial showing, US President Donald J. Trump has announced to Canadians that he is unable to keep his strong tariffs going, in part “due to Ameri…

Ford unsure how to fight back against country with already ruined healthcare system

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is reportedly starting to feel he may have bitten off more than he can chew in his attacks on the United States after realizing they are immun…

Bulk Barn announces that all snackers will be shot on sight

AURORA — In a bold move that many are calling excessive and illegal, Bulk Barn has announced a new nationwide policy that all customers caught snacking in-store will be shot on sight.  The announ…

Well-travelled man can now reject digital cookies in over a dozen languages

THESSALONIKI, GREECE ― Following a short jet-lagged nap, 34-year-old stock broker Rowan Goulding of Oshawa effectuated a Google search for “best restaurants near me.” Within moments, he was force…

Trudeau announces counter tariffs on any Trump businesses that haven’t already gone bankrupt

OTTAWA – Following America’s unprecedented levying of 25% tariffs on all Canadian products, Prime Minister Trudeau announced that Canada will apply retaliatory tariffs to specific US …