Zoom call with American friends now depressing in the other direction
Richmond, B.C. – A monthly zoom call which previously consisted of Canadian man Jalen Montclair consoling his American friends now consists of his American friends consoling Jalen. “E…
Progress! Ontarians granted 3 days sick leave to share amongst themselves
Ontarians rejoice! After over a year of tireless advocacy from workers and healthcare advocates, the Ontario government has finally taken a major step in halting the spread of COVID 19 by proposi…
Children’s book delights child, devastates adult reading book to child
Sorry, we didn’t want to write an article on this one. It’s just too much.…
Nova Scotia baffles experts by listening to them about lockdown, actually doing lockdown
HALIFAX – Experts are puzzled after scientists proposed a 2 week emergency lockdown, only to have Nova Scotian premier Rankin actually institute it, rather than ignoring them, lying to them…
Nobel Prize-winning fighter pilot with PhD almost meets requirements for entry level job
REGINA – A local Nobel Prize winner with a doctoral degree and a thousand logged hours of flight time as a fighter pilot was pleased to browse Indeed.ca this past weekend and discover that …
“It’s not fair to blame Kenney for a pandemic,” says man who blamed Notley for a wildfire
CALGARY – As Albertans continue to suffer as a result of the province’s poor handling of COVID-19, local man Dave Struthers, who once said Premier Notley’s handling of the 2016 …
Ontario offering vaccines by either appointment or human stampede
OTTAWA – Health officials in Ontario have announced those eligible for their COVID-19 vaccines may either make an appointment with their health provider or participate in a stampede trampli…
Dead whale really ruining the experience of being carried across beach by God
NANAIMO, BC – According to local sources, the rotting carcass of a beached grey whale has complicated Becky Shelton’s profound spiritual crisis. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that God is here to c…
Local woman divorces work husband amidst emotional affair with regular husband
VICTORIA, BC – Disaster has struck at Wellington Insurance Company, where accounts manager Alexis Long has commenced divorce proceedings against her work husband Jason Thomson after reveali…
Doug Ford wins best actor Oscar for performance pretending to care about people dying of COVID
TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a …
