Tory MP calls for end of lock down claiming Canada shamefully behind US on COVID death count
HAMILTON – Flamborough—Glanbrook MP David Sweet is calling the province of Ontario to end the lockdown so Canada can catch up to the US on its COVID-19 death count. “22,000 dead compared to…
CRA improves customer service by hanging up on every third caller
OTTAWA – In a press release issued this past Wednesday, the Canada Revenue Agency has vowed to revolutionize its beloved customer service by hanging up on even more callers. According to CRA spok…
How to continue feeling superior to Americans while watching them get the vaccine months before you
If there is one thing that has sustained Canadians through the tough times of the last year, as well as the tough times of literally every year before that, it’s our ardent belief that we a…
COVID-19 variants eager to represent their countries at the Tokyo Olympics
TOKYO, JAPAN ― Variants of SARS-COV-2 hailing from countries around the world are gearing up for the 2021 Summer Olympics. “Man, I hope they don’t postpone the Olympics again,” commented the Sout…
Trudeau clarifies that Saudi Arabia isn’t an ally, just an acquaintance we sell a fuckton of weapons to
OTTAWA – In the wake of US Intelligence concluding that Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was personally involved in the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, Prime Minister Trudeau clari…
Number of Astrology apps on woman’s phone reaches critical mass
BURNABY, BC – A local woman’s interest in her natal chart recently turned dangerous when the number of astrology apps on her phone reached critical mass. Skye Davis, 23, reported recently t…
Rock collectors line up at Mount Etna for latest product release
CATANIA – Following the announcement that Mount Etna, the Sicilian stratovolcano, has erupted again in a dazzling show of light and lava, rock collectors from around the world are clamberin…
Local woman apologizes for apologizing
WINNIPEG – Amanda Santos, a Senior Associate Consultant from downtown Winnipeg apologized during a meeting last week, then when she realized she apologized, she apologized again. Santos had…
Trudeau pledges to vaccinate at least eight more people by end of September
OTTAWA – Amid outcries from the public and members of the health industry, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has now committed to the mass vaccination of almost 10 whole Canadians by the beginning of…
Man forced to move after house fills with too many good boxes
CHATHAM – Lewis White was forced to move after his house filled up with too many boxes that he deemed worth saving. White had been collecting boxes for years but once the pandemic hit and …
