EDMONTON – Breaking new ground in the field of preventative medicine, a team of doctors at the Center for Advanced Medical Research performed a preemptive autopsy on a willing patient and predicted he would one day die from having his torso cut open and organs methodically removed.
“The experimental procedure was unusual, but successful,” said lead pathologist Dr. Greg Hooper. “Our forecasted cause of death was proven to be correct as the patient unfortunately died from massive organ loss.”
Dr. Hooper’s pre-mortem prediction was confirmed by a secondary post-mortem autopsy which, by the end, revealed the deceased’s organs had been carefully and deliberately taken out and was, therefore, the probable cause of death.
“If only we had done this examination sooner we would have had time to prevent his tragic passing,” added Dr. Hooper.
Dr. Hooper is looking to complete further preemptive autopsies to predict other hard to detect causes of death, such as having one’s organs haphazardly dumped in a plastic bag and stuffed back in their chest cavity.