Human embodiment of all the worst people in your poli sci seminar running for conservative leader

OTTAWA – Observers at universities across the country have reported that current conservative leadership front-runner Pierre Poilievre has managed the impressive feat of embodying a compreh…

Kids play house by having their imaginary friend price them out of the market 

EDMONTON – Eight-year-old Mason Wright and seven-year-old Olivia Glass have been busy playing house all afternoon by pretending to have their hearts set on a property, only for Mason’s imaginary …

“As we know, I invented Twitter” claims Elon Musk three months from now

SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future i…

Businesses experiencing ‘just average’ call volume for the first time since 2020

VICTORIA, BC – After claiming to be experiencing higher than average call volume for a suspiciously long period of time during COVID-19, businesses are now reporting daily customer calls have dro…

Marc Dalton & Scott Aitchison latest conservative leadership candidates we can’t tell apart

OTTAWA – Doppelgangers Marc Dalton and Scott Aitchison recently entered the already crowded Conservative party leadership race, prompting frantic Canadian reporters to wonder how they would…

COVID enters 6th wave despite clearly running out of ideas by Wave 3

OTTAWA — The Public Health Agency of Canada confirmed today that the country is now in the 6th wave of the COVID-19 pandemic signaled by the all too familiar pattern of climbing case numbers. Whi…

Gilbert Gottfried joins Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald for Comedy Central Roast of God

HEAVEN – With news breaking that Gilbert Gottfried has passed away, Heaven has announced the beloved comedian has joined his departed friends Bob Saget and Norm MacDonald in the Comedy Cent…

Review: Season two of Bridgerton needed more boinking

Burlington, ON – Season two of Bridgerton is out and the reviews are in: there’s not enough nudity and not nearly enough sex. Instead, all viewers got was a stupid story about sacrifice and love …

Sleeping cat literally has no idea how clue how close it is to nuclear annihilation

LUNENBURG, NS – Despite tensions increasing across the globe as Russian president Vladimir Putin again promised swift retaliation and total nuclear annihilation should NATO forces intervene…

Ford calls 50 cent minimum wage hike “a little reward” for workers who survived covid

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced this week that the provincial minimum wage will be going up by $0.50 this fall, which he described as a “tasty little treat” for all those…