Trudeau confused why Canadians who can’t afford rent not embracing luxury electric vehicles
OTTAWA – Today during a press conference discussing Canada’s commitments to reduce carbon emissions, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau expressed confusion over why more Canadians currently stru…
BMW, Tesla remain deadlocked in battle for rich asshole market
L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said…
Unpaid intern promoted to just unemployed
WINDSOR, ON – Recent graduate Dana McAllister is thrilled about her latest opportunity – being unemployed after completing an unpaid internship. McAllister, who had relocated to Toron…
Jason Kenney finally delivers best summer ever
EDMONTON – After promising Albertans the “best summer ever” in 2021, Premier Jason Kenney has finally delivered on his word by resigning. Kenney received 51.4% of the vote in a leadership review …
Steven Del Duca takes 10 awkward seconds to recall name of current Ontario Liberal Leader
Chatham,ONT – At a campaign rally today, Steven Del Duca paused during his stump speech and appeared to take 10-12 seconds to remember the name of the current Ontario Liberal Party leader. …
CBS announces ‘Young Sheldon’ spin-off, ‘Forced Birth Sheldon’
CALIFORNIA – Fans of “The Big Bang Theory” and “Young Sheldon” are in luck. CBS announced a new spinoff called “Forced Birth Sheldon” featuring the pre-birth fetus of Sheldon Cooper, the wi…
Last weekend was the Juno Awards and we forgot but here’s what might have happened
Toronto, Ontario (Probably) – The Juno Awards happened last weekend and we swear we were totally going to watch it but we didn’t, so here’s a roundup of what probably happened! So first, Ju…
Ontario pharmacies facing shortage of cold medicine for some reason
TORONTO – Pharmacies across Ontario are facing a shortage of cold-fighting household staples, and no one seems to be able to pinpoint the reason why. Across the province, residents are unab…
47,000 Bryces graduate from business school
CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…
