Ten best “Best of” lists: Our list
With the abundance of Best Of Year lists clogging up the internet every December, it’s hard to know which ones are worth your time. Luckily for you, the tireless team at The Beaverton has read al…
Hamburglar’s crime spree escalates to vehicular hamslaughter
MCDONALDLAND – A citywide manhunt has begun for the Hamburglar after his petty criminal streak escalated to include several counts of vehicular hamslaughter. “We do what we can to fight rec…
Decline in purity culture leads to shortage of extra-virgin olive oil
PUGLIA, ITALY ― Olive oil is a household staple, with extra-virgin varieties particularly prized for their minimal processing. But with fewer and fewer people saving themselves for marriage, one …
Baby smells weird again
CALGARY — According to local sources, the Weaver family baby is smelling suspicious again after a brief period of olfactory normality. “Well, it’s not the diaper,” said Michael Weaver, after tak…
Basketball Insider: Get me out, I’m stuck inside a basketball!
Scotiabank Arena, Toronto – It’s that exciting time of year when the NBA season really starts to heat up, but personally, I wish it wouldn’t, because I’m stuck inside one of the basketballs. Help…
Netflix prepares to release prisoners taken during the streaming wars
LOS GATOS, CA – Last week, Netflix posted on their website the release dates of all the prisoners of war they’ve taken throughout the multi-year conflict known as the streaming wars. “With …
Candling session loosens man’s ear wax and extracts three-masted model ship
SAULT STE MARIE — Local high school teacher Matt Giordano received quite the surprise on Tuesday when an ear candling session not only removed a quantity of built-up wax from his ear canal, but e…
New Movie: Alexander Skarsgard, Peter Sarsgaard guard stars in Star Guards
HOLLYWOOD – Gossip is buzzing this week about a new tentpole film release set for next year: Star Guards, starring Skarsgard and Sarsgaard. A synopsis of the film, which dropped Tuesday on the pr…
DUMB WEEK: ABBA reunion delayed due to highly infectious Mamma Mia! variant
SWEDEN – The long-awaited reunion of Swedish supergroup ABBA has been delayed due to the latest iteration of the novel coronavirus, the highly infectious Mamma Mia! variant. ABBA reunited in 2022…
