Canadians already giving up on 2023, begin planning for 2024 instead
OTTAWA – A recent York University survey indicates that a majority of Canadians have already given up on planning and hoping within the year 2023, and have shifted any optimism forward to t…
Trudeau assures Canadians that Bill C-21 will not impede their rights to die in hunting accidents
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the podium last week to reaffirm to Canadians that even with Bill C-21 tightening up gun control laws, they will still be able to perish in preve…
CBC journalist reports: “All landlords deserve a little kiss”
TORONTO – After hearing yet another story of a “Downtrodden, heartbroken, teensy weensy little landlord” who became upset when a tenant callously needed a place to live, Canada’s national broadca…
Scientist: Otters are actually just wet dogs
Kingston, ON – A senior researcher at Queen’s University claimed this week that otters don’t exist and are actually just wet dogs. “It all came to me at the cottage,” said zoologist D…
Nation’s dads announce plan to see you next year
OTTAWA — Pausing briefly during the lyrics to Auld Lang Syne, Canada’s dads reaffirmed their commitment to see the various people in their lives next year while loudly snickering to themselves. D…
Labour shortage leads to downsizing at maternity ward
VANCOUVER – In an alarming turn of events, the maternity ward at St. Paul’s hospital has announced that it will likely be downsizing, apparently due to a severe labour shortage. However, th…
House guest surprised to discover it’s suddenly a faux-pas to fuck the family whale
YORKTON, SK — Jordan Russell was surprised, upon visiting his girlfriend Sara Geisbrecht’s family over the holidays, to discover that they consider it extremely gauche to fuck the family whale. …
Small-dicked man still manages to fuck himself
ROMANIA — Former kickboxer and famously small-penised man, Andrew Tate, somehow managed to take the time out of his busy schedule of trolling teenage girls on the internet to fuck himself, …
