VAUGHAN – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced on Tuesday that he would give an additional six billion dollars to the provinces for housing as long as they allow fourplexes to be built,...
Carry-on luggage needs its own ticket says airlines
Pearson Airport, Toronto – In a recent announcement, the cash-strapped airline industry has announced that every bag will require its own ticket. Instead of overhead bins, retrofitted planes now...
Trudeau plan: rent will count towards credit score for houses that renters still can’t afford
OTTAWA – A new proposal from Justin Trudeau’s Liberals would allow renters to include rental payments when calculating credit scores, while bidding on houses that they remain hopelessly pr...
Passion play using distractingly hot Christ
OTTAWA – The passion play produced by Ottawa’s St. Francis Xavier Church has drawn attention and controversy this year by crucifying a total stud, according to aroused sources. “Dang, I see our Lord a...
Amazing! Bald eagles seen living in Toronto with zero roommates!
TORONTO – Local naturalists received a miraculous surprise last week after a pair of bald eagles were seen building a nest in Toronto, with zero evidence of having an unrelated roommate to split...
Sam Bankman-Fried’s cellmate sentenced to 25 years stuck with guy who won’t shut up about crypto
NEW YORK – Following the collapse of notorious online financial exchange site FTX, the future cellmate of finance mogul Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years stuck in a cell next to a twer...
Liberals plan eco-friendly burial for carbon tax
OTTAWA – With the carbon tax expected to soon meet its demise in Parliament, the Liberal party is planning an environmentally friendly burial for the departed bill. “We’re going to make su...
Easter Bunny to bring marshmallow Peeps for naughty kids
Easter Island – The Easter Bunny held a press conference yesterday to announce a radical change to the annual egg hunt tradition. Bunny is adding a moral framework to his delivery system, whereb...
Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed
TORONTO – In response to a growing rash of armed robberies throughout the city, Toronto Police advised Canada’s banks to leave a big pile of money at the door of every branch to avoid being robb...
Newly discovered cave paintings indicate early humans were stick men
BHOPAL, INDIA — A cache of paintings found in the Bhimbetka caves in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh is being touted as a paradigm-shifting discovery, positing that proto-humans were actually stick...
