WASHINGTON – Following Hillary’s loss in the New Hampshire primary, the Clinton Campaign has decided to connect with millennial voters by emphasizing that, like them, she is voting for Bernie San…
U.S.
Martin Shkreli unable to resist punching own face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Pharmaceutical Company CEO and alleged securities fraudster Martin Skreli was unable to overcome to desire to punch himself repeatedly in his smirking, self-assure…
NRA recommends gun owners buy second gun to protect selves from first gun
FAIRFAX, VA – The NRA released a statement earlier today advising that all gun owners purchase an additional gun to be used in self-defense against the other guns they own. “Statistic after…
Obama begins State of the Union address with 58-minute sigh
WASHINGTON – Speaking to congress about what shape the country is in and what his plans are for the coming year, President Obama spent the first fifty-eight minutes of last night’s address …
Obama reportedly wearing beautiful sequin green dress to final State of the Union address
WASHINGTON DC — For his final State of the Union address, US President Barack Obama is reportedly wearing a stunning sequin green dress. Obama, who is expected to comment on such complicate…
NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears
WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…
Every major news outlet asking why rest of media hasn’t called Oregon militia ‘terrorists’
TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,…
Family arguing in Mississippi Walmart checkout accidentally writes new Faulkner novel
MISSISSIPPI – Members of the slowly dissolving Sendwick clan, Collum and his children Leonard and Franny, have unintentionally created a previously unavailable work from Nobel Prize-winning…
NRA mourns as USA hit by 338th totally random, unpreventable mass-shooting this year
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – In a tragedy that no one could have predicted, the USA was rocked yesterday by a random mass-shooting for the 338th time this year. “After the first one this year we …
Turkey pardoned by Obama re-offends, back on death row
WASHINGTON, DC — The turkey who was recently pardoned by US President Barack Obama yesterday was apprehended last night after a vicious crime spree that left one dead. The 40 pound turkey k…
