CLEVELAND – About to accept his party’s nomination for President, Donald Trump assured a crowd of cheering supporters that if elected, he would create an ethnic/sociological group that was “so much worse than you people. Just, just the lowest group the world has ever seen.”
As the crowd cheered, Trump promised that when he was president, there would be an enormous number people with less money and less status than those assembled, more than ever before, “I guarantee it.”
Trump added that “when you lose your job, lemme tell you, they’re going to lose even bigger jobs. They’re going to work all day, and be unemployed simultaneously. They’re going to have less to eat, they’re going to starve or something. Doesn’t that make you feel great?” he shouted to thunderous applause.
Trump did not provide specifics about who exactly this new group would be. Asked later whether it would be muslims, immigrants or some brand new category of people never before seen, campaign officials only said ‘Yes.’
Trump’s supporters were elated with the new promise. “What with Trump’s plans to build a wall and make everyone I don’t like leave, I was worried I wouldn’t have anyone to look down on,” said one attendee. “But what with this new plan-well I know I’ll never have to worry about being the most powerless and desperate person in the country.”
Pundits are praising the savvy move which will assist Trump with his economic platform, often criticized for its lack of substance.
“Trump has developed an innovative new strategy,” Fox News anchor Sean Hannity explained. “Rather than attempt to fix Obama’s obviously unfixable economy, he’s offering voters the chance to feel truly superior to other people in a way they’ve always wanted to be.”
When asked in an interview about how he planned to generate a group that “just suffers so badly, more than you will ever have to fear,” Trump was emphatic. “I will find the smartest people and have them make the best deal with some people and then that’s how we’re going to do this and believe me, it’s going to be fantastic.”