WINNIPEG – After two weeks of competition, Pete Franklin is completely unaware if the Winter Olympic Games have just kicked off or finished days ago. “I heard that the opening and/or closing cere…
Sports
Vatican City Olympic team stripped of medals after testing positive for performance-enhancing God
PYEONGCHANG – The Papal Olympic team is mired in controversy after a recent IOC test revealed the entire team has been using banned celestial beings during the 2018 Pyeongchang games. “When…
Ottawa Senators head into trade deadline looking to acquire dedicated fan base
OTTAWA – With the NHL’s trade deadline rapidly approaching, franchises are looking to improve the strength of their team by any means necessary. For the Ottawa Senators this means heading i…
Canada’s men’s hockey team could not bear the shame of defeat, so they had a zamboni run them over
One of the amazing things about the Olympics is the emotional journey it takes us on. For every gold medal triumph, there is heartbreaking disappointment. After losing to Germany in the semifinal…
Canadian women’s hockey team Olympic silver medal really let country down, says 42-year-old unemployed loser
MATTAWA, ON – Following an overtime loss in the gold medal hockey game, local man Douglas Birch became vocal on social media about the national shame brought on by Canada’s 2nd place result…
Act of Sportsmanship: Canada’s women curlers allow others to beat them so less popular countries could medal
PYEONGCHANG – For the first time in Canadian Olympic history, Canada’s women curlers will not be returning with a medal as the team decided to allow other countries a chance to win an Olymp…
Pornhub front page taken over by clips of Virtue and Moir’s gold medal routine
MONTREAL – After their technically perfect and perfectly erotic short and long dance programs led them to another ice dance gold medal, Canada’s Virtue and Moir are currently dominating the…
Grandmother watching Olympic figure skating thinks Virtue and Moir should just fuck already
CALGARY – An 85-year-old grandmother and fan of Olympic ice dancing thinks Canadian Olympic figure skaters Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir should “just fuck already.” Janice Bondar made the ann…
Historian confirms ancient Greek Olympic curling took place in the nude
LAVAL, QC – A recent study shows that the original Olympic athletes of ancient Greece, long thought to not practice any winter sports at all, did in fact compete at curling, and did so comp…
Canada wins gold in slush puddle long jump
PYEONGCHANG – Canada has added another Olympic gold medal to its count after a Toronto woman leapt a record-setting 3.21m over a large slush puddle at the Gangneung Pedestrian Crossing Cour…
