MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a surprise last-minute transaction, the Philadelphia Eagles have signed controversial quarterback Colin Kaepernick to a one-day contract that will allow him to lead the…
Sports
Canada discovers paying millions to host World Cup easier than getting there by being good at soccer
OTTAWA – Canada has discovered a new way for its team to qualify for the World Cup: paying millions of dollars to host the event. The joint bid from Canada, the United States and Mexico to …
Touchdown celebration enters third day
PITTSBURGH, PA – The Pittsburgh Steelers have appeared to go above and beyond the expected victory march with their most recent touchdown celebration, which this afternoon surpassed the 70 …
What’s-His-Face, That Guy named to Canadian Olympic men’s hockey team
TORONTO – Team Canada has announced its men’s Olympic hockey roster which includes such notable players as What’s-His-Face, That Guy, and Him. “We have a very talented, hard-working team,” …
Toronto Maple Leafs celebrate world’s longest running uncorrected spelling mistake
TORONTO – Today the Toronto Maple Leafs commemorate a 100 year milestone: having a name containing a spelling mistake that has lasted without correction longer than any other spelling mista…
West Ontario ekes out curling win against East Southern Southwest Ontario
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Gutting out an underdog victory in an emotionally-charged nail-biter of a game, West Ontario has out-curled their arch-rivals, East Southern Southwest Ontario. “Tough ga…
Toronto continues to win championships in not hockey
TORONTO – With the TFC winning its first MLS championship at BMO Field on Saturday evening, Toronto has continued its longtime tradition of winning championships in anything other than hock…
Breaking: Rest of country’s night made worse due to winning team being from Toronto
OTTAWA – The rest of the country’s evening has been made worse after a sports championship was won by a team from Toronto. Upon hearing that the Toronto Argonauts defeated the Calgary Stamp…
Grey Cup fever sweeps tens of people
OTTAWA – Reports from in and around TD Place Stadium say Grey Cup fever is sweeping almost 3 dozen people. The game between the Calgary Stampeders and the Toronto Argonauts is projected to …
Meet the world’s first hockey parent coach
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
