TORONTO – Scotiabank Arena, the home of the Toronto Raptors and Toronto Maple Leafs recently announced a change in policy in which they pledge to stop fucking around and unabashedly charge an obs…
Sports
Edmonton expected to get hit with 10 cm of Oilers jerseys tonight
EDMONTON – Environment Canada has issued a special weather advisory for the Edmonton area which is expected to receive up to 10 cm of Edmonton Oilers jerseys from disillusioned fans tonight…
Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evenin…
Philadelphia Flyers relieved to learn that everyone else can see Gritty too
PHILADELPHIA – During a media scrum earlier this morning, members of the Philadelphia Flyers were brought close to tears upon learning that mascot Gritty was something other people could se…
NHL expands to Seattle after determining it is city furthest away from Quebec City
SEATTLE – The NHL has announced its 32nd team will call Seattle home after determining the West Coast city is the furthest distance from Quebec City. “We looked at several options including…
Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober
CALGARY — Local curling team, the Cowtown Curly Fries, were ejected from their match at the Calgary Bi-Annual Bonspiel yesterday for showing up to play completely unimpaired. Referee Dan Mi…
Toronto Maple Leafs promise strong start to hockey season will not affect ability to lose playoffs
TORONTO, ON – Despite winning 7 out of 10 games so far this hockey season, Toronto Maple Leafs Head Coach Sheldon Keefe reassured fans that the team’s impressive performance will not impact their…
Edmonton hockey fans counting down the days until Oilers are mathematically eliminated from playoffs
EDMONTON — As the Oilers took the ice for their final exhibition game Saturday night, Jeff Kawchuk and Doug Mason stood behind the end boards beaming like kids on Christmas Eve. “175 days,”…
Don Cherry woken from cryosleep as NHL season kicks off
TORONTO – As puck drop on the 2018-2019 NHL season approaches, and the first Hockey Night in Canada only days away, CBC employees completed their annual duty of waking Don Cherry from the c…
Eugene Melnyk figures now is a good time to ask Sens fans for another liver
OTTAWA – Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk has issued a statement through the organization asking the few remaining members of the Sens Army for another liver. In 2015, the Barbados-based…
