MONTREAL – While carefully washing her $200 vibrator after use, local woman Maya Shah had the epiphany that it’s very likely she could be a great mother. She has since applied to adopt a ch…
Parenting
‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase
CANMORE, AB- Oliver Jorgensen, a 14-month old baby who just learned to walk, has let everyone know that things are going very well in his attempt to carry around a priceless Ming Dynasty vase wit…
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
CALGARY, AB – Local resident, George Bronson, recently got a large chest tattoo to commemorate his beautiful children, which will also serve as a daily reminder of whatever-the-hell their n…
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
Brandon, MB – Sofie, your friend with two children under the age of 5, clearly spent most of last night’s zoom call thinking of ways to murder you as you talked about how calm and uneventuf…
Weird couple names their son “John”
OTTAWA – Friends of local couple Blaze and Traylor Davidson have been left perplexed after the Davidsons decided to give their newborn son the completely bizarre name of ”John”. “I can’t believe …
Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it
MAGOG, QC – One-year-old Grayson Bellesmare announced today via a series of shrieks and babbles his delight that so many different shapes of various colours were able to make it out to his …
Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy
OTTAWA – With negotiations dragging on until well-past 3pm, the nation’s parents say they have reached an impasse with their toddlers, who are steadfastly maintaining a strict no-nap policy…
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
GRAVENHURST, ON – Local Dad Emil Johnston, 39, demonstrated substantial knowledge of the alien robots known as Transformers at a Toys R Us yesterday, and the response of his two children wa…
If I do not inculcate ideals of violence and aggression in my son, how will he appreciate cowboy movies?
By Herbert Smimmer A time in our lives has arrived when words like “toxic masculinity” are getting thrown around like we used to throw around baseballs before fathers got too busy watching RuPaul…