TORONTO – Randolph Farkas was left utterly flummoxed after trying every conceivable way to explain what he does as a profession to his parents Luca and Fang, two adult gray wolves.
Farkas, a newly-hired IT infrastructure analyst, recently made the trip back to his hometown, the northern boreal forest, for the first time in over a year.
“It was great seeing mom and dad again. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed them,” said Farkas, referring to the pair of timberwolves who found and raised him from an infant abandoned in the woods.
The trio caught up over a disemboweled rabbit, despite Farkas’ repeated offers to treat his parents to dinner. Over the meal, they shared stories from the year apart about ‘how hard it was adjusting to living indoors’ and ‘when Dad bit that wolf researcher.’ However the lighthearted conversation suddenly turned serious when Luca asked about her son’s new job.
“Okay, so even though it’s IT work, I’m not fixing computers per se. You see on a network, each computer is a node now they’re all connected through a- Wait, I can explain this better,” described Randolph excitedly to the glassy-eyed stare of the two lupine predators.
Confused, Fang wondered aloud why his son couldn’t get a job nearby, adding it would be no trouble for him to put in a good word with the pack alpha and that there were plenty of affordable dens in the neighborhood.
Onlookers say Farkas then attempted to deflect the older wolf’s line of questioning by bringing up his new job’s extended dental benefits, only to be ultimately undermined by a backhanded yip about “a lot of wasted time taking him on all those hunting trips as a kid.”
“I tried explaining to dad that working with ‘those boxes that make sound and light’ was a real career and not every job needs to involve chasing something and then biting it until it dies, but I still don’t think he understands.”
I guess you just can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” Farkas surmised before quickly adding ”Wait, I can say that without it being racist. Right?”