I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon special…
Opinion
OPINION: I am part of the Resistance inside the Galactic Empire
By: Anonymous (note: The Beaverton is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a senior Commander on the Death Star whose identit…
These Environment Canada warnings are just trying to scare people – we all know tornadoes don’t exist
By: Trent O’Sullivan I was rudely interrupted the other day listening to my favorite radio program when I heard this obnoxious beeping sound followed by a hysterical woman telling me that there w…
When watching football, how am I supposed to explain to my son what a Seahawk is?
Editorial By Grant Stone, football loving father Like a lot of people, there’s nothing I like better on a Sunday afternoon than watching some NFL in my old armchair, with a cool beer in my hand. …
How dare Trudeau attack this hardworking Canadian heckler who we shouldn’t ask any further questions about
By Andrew Scheer As leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, I am outraged that Justin Trudeau publicly slammed a decent, law-abiding constituent who asked him a fair question and deserves no …
Trust me, being a city councillor is nothing
By Doug Ford Folks, by now I’m sure you’ve heard that my bill to cut the number of Toronto city councillors in half has passed. And you’ve probably been hearing a lot from said councillors about …
Once I only have to pay a dollar for my beer, my life is sure to turn around in a big, big way!
By: Stan Hendricks For those of you Lib-tards who worried that Doug Ford lacked a clear platform to improve the lives of ordinary Ontarians, I present to you Exhibit “A” in the trial of Elites v.…
Which cult do I need to join to get a fashionable linen matching set?
By Janine Suarez Listen, I feel like I need to say this right off the top, I do NOT condone the mass suicides that most prominent cults are known for, however I do admire how dedicated they were …
How can Cristiano Ronaldo be the greatest footballer of all time when he’s never won a Super Bowl?
EDITORIAL by Your High School Football Coach, Mr. Hapsfield I’ve been a fan of the great sport of football for my entire life, and lately a bunch of people are talking about this Cristiano Ronald…
I strongly deny the groping allegation that I already admitted to and apologized for
By Justin Trudeau Recently you may have heard about a supposed incident that took place at a B.C. music festival 18 years ago in which I, woke bae Justin Trudeau, allegedly groped a female journa…
