By Doug Ford Folks, by now I’m sure you’ve heard that my bill to cut the number of Toronto city councillors in half has passed. And you’ve probably been hearing a lot from said councillors about …
Opinion
Once I only have to pay a dollar for my beer, my life is sure to turn around in a big, big way!
By: Stan Hendricks For those of you Lib-tards who worried that Doug Ford lacked a clear platform to improve the lives of ordinary Ontarians, I present to you Exhibit “A” in the trial of Elites v.…
Which cult do I need to join to get a fashionable linen matching set?
By Janine Suarez Listen, I feel like I need to say this right off the top, I do NOT condone the mass suicides that most prominent cults are known for, however I do admire how dedicated they were …
How can Cristiano Ronaldo be the greatest footballer of all time when he’s never won a Super Bowl?
EDITORIAL by Your High School Football Coach, Mr. Hapsfield I’ve been a fan of the great sport of football for my entire life, and lately a bunch of people are talking about this Cristiano Ronald…
I strongly deny the groping allegation that I already admitted to and apologized for
By Justin Trudeau Recently you may have heard about a supposed incident that took place at a B.C. music festival 18 years ago in which I, woke bae Justin Trudeau, allegedly groped a female journa…
“Good fucking luck, Ontario!”
Editorial by Kathleen Wynne The votes have been counted, and you don’t want me in office anymore. I get it. And you know what? Good. You want Doug Ford in office? Well, good luck with that, assho…
I’m pretty sure that crossing guard thinks I’m a kid
By: David Hester, 33. Does that crossing guard think I’m a kid? We definitely made eye contact when I was waiting for the walk signal at an intersection I would describe as “not worthy of concern…
I just really, really like smiles
By: Doug Ford You may have noticed I found myself embroiled in a bit of a scandal this weekend. No not the one where I suggested immigrants are not real Ontarians. The other one where I repeatedl…
Editorial: The feminist merchandise—I mean future—I want my daughter to have
By: Diane Momford As a mom and feminist, I know how important it is to set an example for my beautiful daughter, especially in these tumultuous times. That’s why I make a point of sitting down wi…
My mom is the strongest woman I know besides Gargantua The Mighty
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I appreciated my mother. Growing up, there were many times I wished she would lighten up and not be so strict with me and my siblings. But that was before I…
