QUEEN’S PARK – As Ontario hospitals find themselves ill-equipped and under-staffed to treat skyrocketing COVID numbers, Premier Doug Ford announced a new line of self-serve hospital beds to…
Ontario
Ontario schools really hoping to score a coveted 100% on their PCR tests
ETOBICOKE, ON – As students head back to school across the province, Ontario is holding out hope for a coveted 100% on their symptomatic COVID-19 PCR tests. “Of all the province-wide standa…
Ontario to reopen in-person dining on January 31st and then again on April 10th
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has just announced that restaurants and bars will be able to open indoor dining at reduced capacity on January 31st and then, following another lockdown …
Breaking: Ontario teachers intentionally strand themselves in snowbanks for chance to actually speak with Doug Ford
ETOBICOKE — After reports surfaced that Doug Ford was spending Toronto’s first major blizzard of the year driving around helping drivers stranded by snow in his district, school teachers fr…
Virtual schooling during snow day crashes Ontario’s ‘12 year olds shovelling your driveway for 10 bucks’ economy
TORONTO – The announcement that schools closed due to snow would still require students to attend via remote learning has thrown Ontario’s vital ’12 year olds ringing the doorbe…
Ontario schools to notify parents about Covid exposures only if child’s head lice contracts virus
OTTAWA – Ontario’s Ministry of Health outlined back-to-school Covid-19 policies for teachers, students, and parents on Monday, explaining that moving forward, parents will only be notified …
Ford: This was a hard decision that we refused to make until the very last minute
TORONTO – After cancelling school classes for another two weeks less than two days before they were set to resume, Ontario Premier Doug Ford said it was a very difficult decision he could h…
Ford asks his daughter to ask her anti-vaxx friends to get out of the driveway
ETOBICOKE – After being forced to live at his cottage in Muskoka because access to his house is blocked, Doug Ford asked his daughter, Krista Haynes, if she and her anti-vaxx friends could …
Doug Ford’s Ontario revealed to be alternate universe shown to suicidal man by Christmas angel
QUEEN’S PARK – Reports indicate that dire circumstances throughout Doug Ford’s Ontario are actually due to it being a fantastical alternate reality, created by a Christmas angel in order to…
Doug Ford starting to feel like he should maybe look into this whole Omicron thing
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode. “…
