CALGARY – Roommates Amir Reza, Ashley Barker, and Kyle Garland have officially drawn up terms of surrender to the fruit fly forces occupying their 3 bedroom apartment. “We, the human reside…
Local
Woman of colour excited to compare tans with you
REGINA – This past Friday, Arththy Safeer was beyond excited to compare her ‘tan’ with co-worker Morgan Klein. “I love having my skin that I was born with used as a visual marker for how mu…
Leaving early enough to beat cottage traffic making local dad so fucking wet
OAKVILLE – This morning Chet Billingsley, a local father of three, organized his family into a 5:30 a.m. departure from their home in order to avoid cottage country traffic. As a result of this s…
Single woman spends afternoon daydreaming about her ideal future sandwich
Victoria, BC – In the hours preceding dinnertime today, single career-woman, Kathy Maxwell, let down her hair and got lost in a daydream about her ideal future sandwich. “Don’t get me wrong…
Pinky toe deserts sandal for better life
EDMONTON – In a last ditch attempt at freedom, the pinky toe of Emilie Licea made a run for it to avoid spending the remainder of the summer strangled by the thin leather strap of a sandal.…
Local woman has now explained meaning of tattoo to everyone she knows
MOOSE JAW, SK – After shoehorning it into a discussion with the downstairs neighbour, Claire Dolby has now told everyone she knows the origin and meaning of her wrist tattoo, in spite of in…
Thrifty women organize swap meet to trade unwanted male advice
MONTREAL – Dozens of thrifty women gathered for a swap meet this afternoon, to trade garbage bags full of unwanted male advice each had accumulated over the years. The women met early at a …
Nice man on bus freaking everyone out
TORONTO – Passengers on a packed bus currently heading north on Bathurst Street are watching with fear and concern as a man acts openly good-natured. “I knew something was up when he offered that…
Local man manages to get in a quick 15 minute existential crisis before work everyday
MONTREAL – Saying it keeps him feeling fresh and alert, local man David Oberto has spent the last year doing high-intensity existential crisis before heading out to his job each morning. “I…
Local man excited to eventually throw out all these vegetables he just bought
LISTOWEL, ON – Following his weekly routine, a local man has purchased several grocery bags full of expensive, fresh, and healthy vegetables today, so that he may spend the rest of the week…
