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Pinky toe deserts sandal for better life

EDMONTON – In a last ditch attempt at freedom, the of Emilie Licea made a run for it to avoid spending the remainder of the summer strangled by the thin leather strap of a sandal.

At the moment of the attempted escape, Licea’s pinky toe was completely unrecognizable as it has mutilated by constant chafe and blistering. The result of a particularly unforgiving pair of suede gladiator .

The toe put up a heroic battle by continuously slipping underneath the strap of the sandal and hiding behind the fourth toe. However all efforts proved to be futile as Licea wrangled the toe back into place, securing it with a band-aid and some spit.

This isn’t the first time that one of Licea’s body parts have actively tried to flee. In July 2009, her left breast smuggled out from underneath a strapless bra. If only to taste freedom for a moment before being stuffed back into place.

However Licea remained calm and firm, “I am confident in my decision to pursue wearing taxing footwear. If my pinky toe wishes to remain a part of this foot, it will come to understand the importance of these intricately woven sandals that compliment all my summer attire.”

At press time, the pinky toe has been found guilty of desertion of its post. The toe has been sentenced to three months of confinement within a much too small summer sandal, with the possibility of parole in mid-September.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book