KNOSSOS – Local beast The Minotaur has decided to take Knossos city council to court after a years-long bureaucratic dispute over proposed additions to his labyrinth. “They’re biased agains…
Local
Friends celebrate after couple reposts wedding photos for third time
YOUR FACEBOOK FEED – The Internet is abuzz with ‘likes’ and ‘hearts’ after beloved married people, Jennifer and Richard Wilkinson, posted their black and white wedding photos yet again. “Sure the…
Old German neighbour was probably just a cook or something
Waterloo, ON – After year of speculation experts agree the seemingly pleasant 95 year old German man, Charles Müller, probably just served as a cook or some other low level position during …
Friend with slow cooker suggests you get a slow cooker
MONCTON – Sources indicate that your friend, local data processor Jason Murray, has once again urged you to follow his lead and buy a slow cooker – the third such incident in the past…
‘I’m a pretty big deal on Twitter’ reports total knob
HALIFAX – Multiple sources have overheard Mark Griggs, who has recently been diagnosed as a complete and total douche, informing a tinder date that he is a very big deal on Twitter. “The gr…
Woman leaves a generous donation of her hair to shower wall
TORONTO – Local housemate Taylor Harrison has made another altruistic donation to her hair to the shared shower wall. The donation of 12 strands that varied in length was made early this mo…
Popular girl you thought would peak in high school reportedly still killin’ it
CASTOR, AB – Reports early this afternoon have indicated that the popular, intelligent, and beloved girl you thought would reach her social peak in high school is still absolutely killing i…
Couple calling each other “babe” after forgetting names five years ago
BRANDON, MA – Living together in quiet desperation in fear of being caught, a local couple has resorted to referring to each other as “babe” after both have completely forgotten what their …
Update: 3 minutes of vest-appropriate weather is here
BELLEVILLE, ON – At a ripe temperature of 16 degrees Celsius with heaping sun, Sidney Barrett excitedly donned a vest for the whole three minutes of vest-appropriate weather that exists in North …
Local man optimistic his life will return to normal after being acquitted of bestiality on technicality
EDMONTON – After being acquitted of seven counts of unnatural acts with an animal due to a legal loophole, local horse enthusiast Dan Smith was confident about his prospects going forward. …
